Retention

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Today's topic: companies that suck. Not just any kind of suck, mind you, I've got a specific category in mind.

That category: unfair customer retention.

Want a new cellular provider? Sign a contract with a $500 cancellation fee. Stay with us 2 years or you'll pay out the nose. You'll need a new phone, too, since yours only works with your previous provider. Oh, and that phone number? You'll probably need a new one of those, too.

Sick of your current software package? Haha, good luck switching! Proprietary file formats will neatly solve the problem of users fleeing to better programs. Why switch when it's such a huge pain to convert all of your old stuff?

Today, I became aware of yet another effort to push the envelope of customer disservice just that much further.

Here.

Short summary: TV schedules are being shifted by a minute or two. Just enough to screw up your TiVo, just enough to make you decide not to switch channels because you've already missed the start of the other show.

Just enough, in other words, to screw you over while still being able to say "It's just a few minutes, quit your complaining."

Choice quote from one of the mouth-breathing pond-scum responsible:

It's not my job to make it easy for people to leave our network.

That's nice. I don't really care what's not in your job description. I'm pretty sure that somewhere in your organization there exists someone with a job description that contains the following idea:

Make shows that people want to watch.

That's right, people. All you cell companies, software companies, TV networks, and every other over-litigious creativity-impaired excuse for a business, I'm talking to you.

  • It is NOT your job to make it impossible for me to choose your competitor.
  • It is NOT your job to produce crap that's only just good enough to suck less than the competition.
  • It is NOT your job to make a mockery of the very phrase "Customer Service".

You are all useless.

Here's what you need to do. It's a very simple concept, but obviously you didn't get where you are today by having above-average intelligence.

Compete on the quality of your product.

No tricks, no new laws, no fine print. Quality.

Thank you.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Andrew published on January 18, 2005 12:04 PM.

Great Movie was the previous entry in this blog.

How Many Points for the Double Play? is the next entry in this blog.

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