December 2004 Archives



And now I drive home. Wish me luck.

UPDATE: Fixed the link, you can now see the full size image by clickng the thumbnail.

Cloquet's Finest


There is a behavior which many of you may be familiar with. It is sometimes called "Parking by Braille" and can be described as follows:

  • Approach parking spot
  • Accelerate to ramming speed
  • Drive forward until you hit something
  • Stop

I haven't the slightest clue why people do this. It seems to me that after driving a car for, oh, I don't know, FIVE MINUTES, that one should be able to estimate with a fair degree of accuracy the location of one's front tires. Armed with said estimate, one should be able to stop the vehicle without actually smashing it into anything. There's a possibility that I'm wrong here, but it's never happened before so I'm not sure.

Picture of cop car on the curb

Anyway. This phenomenon is mildly amusing in the summer, but in the winter it appears that it could get downright dangerous. As snow deposits build up along the curb a natural ramp is formed. Soon, the only available stopping point will be the building in which I work.

I fear the day.

In the News


Woman is thrilled with her $50,000 tangible evidence of sad sub-humanism. Congratulations, you are pathetic. (Via Obscure Store)

Relation == NULL

Tree at sunrise

I spent this past weekend way "down south", which means I was almost to Iowa. Despite the fact that my Christmas present failed to arrive on time, I had a great time and managed to sneak a few pictures of the sun coming up over the fields.

Ship in the Mist

As an added bonus (because you're my favorite blog readers in all the Internets), here's a pic I took from my apartment this morning. Sub-zero temps and wicked wind chills may not make for fun walks outside, but they do make cool pictures.


Firefighters near the blazing arena

I read this morning that a zamboni exploded during a broomball game. What I did not read were answers to the following important questions:

  • Why did the zamboni explode?
  • What happened to the driver of said zamboni?
  • How did a zamboni initiate a large enough explosion to set the ceiling on fire?

A valiant effort, but ultimately useless.

Christmas Bonus++

Bensbane and Pete

As mentioned by my better half, we had quite the company party this past weekend. There's something about wearing a suit and stepping out of a limo that makes people think you're special. You don't get much respect when your normal work attire is baggy pants and a hooded sweatshirt, it's a nice change.

Moss on the run

Of course, such things can't last long, and we were back in the hoodies for the Vikings game. Our seats: 30 yard line, ten rows back from the Vikings bench. Awesome. Despite the fact that I was the one using the camera, we still have a few pictures to share. Pete has a few on her blog (ohhhh, those cheerleaders...) and I humbly submit this picture of Randy Moss for your approval.

Christmas Bonus!

You know it's a good bonus when you can shoot your office mates with it. Behold, the Nerf Nite Finder, most excellent of weapons.

Santa? Are You Reading This?


I need this. I've been wanting something like this forever, but I'm almost positive it will get me killed...

Dear CEC Theaters,

I have an equation for you. It goes something like this:

  2 screens of "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie"
+ 2 screens of "Christmas with the Kranks"
+ 0 screens of "Closer"
ZERO reason for your continued existance



Unrepresentative Sample


As some of you may know, the great state of Wisconsin (may it be reduced to cheesy ruin) recently suffered a great tragedy. News such as this often generates a great deal of discussion in the community. Your ever-vigilant blogger noticed a number of ridiculous statements being uttered regarding this incident.

Notice to the Clueless:

- People do NOT kill 6 people because they happen to be of Hmong descent. This is a poor excuse to spout off about Hmong criminals your friend's cousin's wife's brother heard about once. Stop immediately.

- People do NOT kill 6 people because they have an "assault weapon". This is a poor excuse to spout off about gun control laws. Stop immediately.

- People do NOT kill 6 people because it is perfectly legal. This is a poor excuse to spout off about new and reformed laws to take care of the problem. Stop immediately. thanks you for resisting knee-jerk reactions and sticking to the facts. Unless it involves Wisconsin. Stupid cheese-heads.

To Put it Bluntly

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Dear Kay Jewelers,

Last night I witnessed one of your commercials. Since then, I have been captivated by your little jingle, "Every kiss begins with Kay". While this is indubitably clever and catchy, I thought perhaps you might like to try getting more to the point.

Therefore, is proud to offer you a free replacement jingle, sung to the same tune:

"Give a Kay and you'll get laid"

After all, why beat around the bush?

New Linkage


I guess I'm going to have to take my own pictures now, since Pete has her own blog. As usual, it's linked on the right (ne plus ultra).

Go visit it already, she's got several great pics up, as well as some funny stories.

Hocus Pocus


The highlight of my .NET User Group experience last night was one word.

I was talking to a man who is supposedly in charge of multi-million dollar projects for a large bank. The conversation went something like this:

Multi-Million Dollar Man - "What would you say you do here, exactly?"

Me - "Well, I do C#, ASP.NET, web pages built entirely on the fly. We can do user-editable pages"

MMDM - "Really? How do you connect the database to the page?"

M - "Magic."

That's right kids, I am Bensbane, level 20 code wizard, and you will fear my User Request Wand, +3 vs. Idiots.

PC Load Letter??


I learned something very important about society's priorities at a gas station last night. I was perusing a bulletin board at said gas station and noticed three different postings.

Two of them were missing children posters. At least, I think they were children. When you print your flier with a dot-matrix printer that has suffered massive blunt trauma, sometimes it's a little hard to tell if your picture is, in fact, your child, or if perhaps you accidentally dropped that Bigfoot picture you snagged in there.

I kid, I kid. Seriously, those 25 pixels were the best I've ever seen.

Next to these works of modern art was the third flier. It featured an advertisement for a hypnotist. This guy's face was bigger than the whole missing children section. Full color, no smeared dot-matrix for this man. You could count the pores on his ugly mug.

Luckily, I will now recognize this man if I ever pass him on the street. Those kids, though...I'm going to do a double-take whenever I walk past potted plants and bath towels.