October 2004 Archives

Shenanigans

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Dear DVD player,

I am concerned with your behavior last night. While I recognize that this may have been a Halloween prank of some sort, I must still express my disapproval.

Specifically, when I close your tray and turn your power off, I expect that you actually STAY off. Remaining off until I leave the room and proceeding to resume operation and eject the tray is not a viable alternative. Repeating said action only aggravates the situation.

In conclusion, POLTERGEIST!!! OH MY GOD!!!

Thanks,

Bensbane

The Epic Struggle

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The beast had returned. Months ago I thought its defeat had been final, but some shred must have survived my wrath.

The signs of its return were obvious. Water was rising, threatening to engulf my bathroom in suds. It had started the day previous, but now it was too much to ignore.

What terrible beast could wreak such havoc, you ask? The dreaded Pube Monster. Chosen lair: My shower drain.

I had been only partially successful before, but this time, I must destroy it utterly and completely. I reached for my weapon. It was the Thursday of Reckoning.

Suitably armed with my Plunger of Doom, +2 vs. Hair Beasts (excluding Miah), I leaped into the fray. My furious plunging availed me not, and I was forced to make a strategic withdrawal. For a full day our standoff continued, neither side willing to blink. This could not last.

Friday arrived. Again I set foot in the domain of the beast, and again the water rose up to meet me. Again I wielded my trusty plunger, but this time I was not to be denied. I fought to the bitter end, hope dwindling as I struggled. Near exhaustion, I gave my final plunge, and with a great sucking slurp the great Pube Monster of '04 was pulled to its most timely demise.

Fear me, beasts of the drain, for I am your bane, and your time has come.

For Katie

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I like ducks. Pond is aesthetically pleasing. Shrubs are big. In conclusion, I are spell.

My New Vendetta

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Quote from last Tuesday:

"There are literally dollars lying around the plant floor. We just have to figure out how to pick them up."

No. No. NO. I just toured the plant. I looked at the floor. There are no dollars out there. It's bare cement. If there were literally dollars out there I would literally be a few dollars richer right now.

This is by no means an isolated incident. The dictionary makes note of the continued abuse of this word. This must stop.

I propose drastic action. I call on all readers of Bensbane.net to take matters into their own hands. Whenever such flagrant language abuse takes place within earshot, pull out your trusty clue-by-four and apply some sense to the offending miscreant.

Bensbane.net: Helping make the world safe for language since 2004.

Jon Stewart = My Hero

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Jon Stewart was on CNN's Crossfire recently, 13 minute streaming video here. Mr. Stewart's comments on the system and the hosts' refusal to recognize his points illustrates perfectly why I, and probably many other people, are incredibly frustrated with politics.

It also illustrates how the media completely fails provide more content than a pandemonium of parrots. Politicians are not forced to answer direct questions. Talking points are endlessly repeated. Spin, distortion, and outright falsehood are not called out. What passes for debate is more akin to professional wrestling, all show and no substance.

The Crossfire clip is a good watch, funny and intelligent, as Mr. Stewart often is. Watch it already.

Incongruity is...

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31/2 inches of plumber's crack at the symphony.

And So It Begins

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October 14, 2004 7:58 AM, Duluth, MN: Snow flies.

Does everyone have their season ski passes?

So True...

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MrAirbear has an excellent post up this morning.

Duuuuuhhhhh...

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Behold, yea mighty, and despair! Bear witness now to my mad pimpin' skillz!

The scene: Target, Electronics department.

The players: Myself, my girlfriend, and Random Girl.

Myself and Girlfriend walk through Target, entering the Electronics section for a quick look around.

Random Girl approaches, completely unnoticed.

Random Girl accelerates, moving past me rapidly, and says the following:

"I like your beard".

I spring into action, responding as follows:

... ... ... ... (gapes like fish) (blushes furiously)

Random Girl disappears into the great unknown.

Girlfriend falls to floor, rolls around, laughs uncontrollably.

Elapsed time between run-by compliment and disappearance: 5-10 seconds.

Total number of thoughts processed by my brain during said 5-10 seconds: ZERO. I don't even remember a single thing about what she looked like.

I hope you all took notes.

It's Nice to be Appreciated

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Thanks for all your hard work!

I really do appreciate the thought and all, but seriously, when a client gives you a hat like this, what in the world do you do with it?

I am Blogger

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I am learn is a weblog.

This does not make it special.

It writes posts that feature better spelling, better grammar, and possibly better content than several other blogs that I know of.

This does not make it special.

This blog, however, is generated by a computer running a Perl script.

I'm not sure that makes it special, but it does make me think of Fight Club.


You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Congratulations, you can be replaced by a very small shell script.

Idiots in Real Life

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Lunch today can be characterized as an assault on my brain.

WARNING!! The following statements do not compute and are not safe for humans.

Scruffy Subway Customer: I'd like a 12" on white.
Subway Sandwich Artist: What kind?
SSC: A 12".

NEXT!!

Printed on Papa John's coupon: "Expires 30 days"

...from when exactly? Help me out here.

WWJD?

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Waterfall in Duluth's Lincoln Park

Well he certainly wouldn't vote for Bush. He'd get in a slap fight, that's what he'd do.

Need another stupid fight to satisfy your craving? Try this one.

Unrelated: I visited Duluth's Lincoln Park yesterday, so here's another picture. Eventually I'll get my photo site done, I promise.

So I Had This Great Idea...

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Waterfall - Click for full size
It's Saturday night. Being the young, hip, party animal that I am, I have spent the entire evening at home. About 6 hours ago, not feeling content with how pathetic I was, I developed a grand idea.

"Self," I said to myself, "you should fall asleep."

So I fell asleep. On my couch. At 8pm on a Saturday evening.

LOSER.

Anyway, now I'm up at 2am and I figured it was about time to post a picture from my excursion in Chester Bowl today. Enjoy.