The Stink-Finger


Dear Landlord,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your great work on my front door. Prior to your magnificent efforts, I had been carrying a rather large rubber mallet to "persuade" my key to enter the very stiff lock.

Being superbly attendant to my needs, as you often are, you sprang into action within no more than three weeks, a mere blink of an eye, on a cosmic scale. Donning your super-landlord leotard, which, by the way, looks quite fetching stretched over your vast paunch, you grabbed your grease (why do you have so much anyway?) and proceeded to lube.

Due to your heroic efforts, my key now slides in the lock with virtually no resistance. A mere thought and it is in. It is, in a word, fantastic.

The real joy of this situation, however, is the amount of grease that you used. Not only did you lube the lock, you lubed the whole front of the door. The river of grease running down from the knob is positively torrential. The best part is the fact that any time I touch the doorknob, inside or out, my hands smell like grease for the rest of the day. Truly, what more could I want?

That's all I really wanted to say, Landlord, so keep up the good work!

Thanks Landlord, you're the best.


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This page contains a single entry by Andrew published on September 8, 2004 12:23 PM.

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